I’ve always liked Transformers as a thing, even if I haven’t always collected them. My need for plastic robots that are also other things has kind of waxed and waned through the years. Sometimes I need to own every damn toy from a particular line, other times I’ll just kind of hang back and grab the occasional one if they look cool – and if they turn into animals I’ll probably sit the whole thing out. But lately I’ve found myself with more grown-up finances and a strong need to spend my money on fucking something, and I’m running out of Genesis and Saturn games I need. So I decided to check in on whatever Transformers I may have missed from the last few years, especially the pricier adult-focused (non-sexually) Masterpiece line.
And in the interest of remaining a giant manbaby, I am so goddamn glad I did.
I only have a few as of this writing, but I don’t need to buy any more of them to realize how goddamn happy they make me.
Transformers, maybe more than other kid-oriented properties with an accompanying cartoon, never seemed to have toys that looked like the cartoon characters. You’d watch an episode of the series and it would kinda suck but you didn’t notice when you were 7, at some point later on you would bug your folks to drive you to Target or Toys R Us to buy one, and then you’d wonder why Ironhide didn’t have a head or what the hell was wrong with Bumblebee’s face. It goes doubly for kids my age, who were only alive early enough to get into Generation 2 and didn’t know why Cliffjumper had the wrong face and was called “Hubcap” or why Soundwave was a bright green Thunderbird. But now we have…these.
Ostensibly, the Masterpiece line is designed to finally give us the cartoon-accurate versions of these guys we’ve wanted for the whole time, and it basically does a perfect job. The heads, faces, and weapons are all spot-on, and what’s more impressive is that they can actually move around and transform, as opposed to cheating and just making cartoon-accurate statues (which would probably be WAY easier).
Sure, there’s been a few snags – they’ve already made WAY too many Optimuses (as is often the case), and before the line was kind of restarted basically with the LAST Optimus to bring everything into proper scale (you can fit the other cars in Optimus’ trailer!) the figures were sorta hit-or-miss depending on how much you like Rodimus Prime. But now that everything rules, is a uniform size, and uses real vehicle licenses, I’m so jazzed that I arbitrarily picked last year to start buying Transformers hardcore again.
Optimus here is a little off, color wise, but that’s because he’s the Year of the Horse version, a previous Optimus mold recolored as part of the Thrilling 30 Platinum series commemorating the fact Transformers has consistently been a thing for 30 years. While there are more color accurate Masterpiece Optimuses, go look one up on eBay. Now tell me you think this brilliant golden Optimus is such a bad idea. I look at him and I feel like I’ve won something. Something other than the eternal friendship of the Autobots, that is.
This version of Prime is pretty much my favorite toy, ever. Paint scheme aside he looks like what every Optimus figure has been aspiring to be for 30 years, right down to the damn ‘battle station’ trailer deal. Even though I may have preferred some other ‘lesser’ Autobots more character-wise, I always made it a point to own every Optimus toy I possibly could and this is the one I’ve needed the whole time. I’ve never owned a thing in my life that made me feel so much nostalgia despite the thing only having been recently made. That’s a weird sentence.
I might stop buying toys one day, when I’m finally either dead and/or boring. But in the meantime, I’m finally now getting the Transformers I’ve hoped to see for sale since I was 12, and I’ve got too many to catch up on to stop buying them now.
You might notice this article was an excuse for me to post shitty pictures of toys I own. One day when you have your own shitty blog, you can do shitty things like that too!